Are you lacking self-confidence or self-belief?

January 22, 2018 | Thought For The Day

I got to wondering this morning about self-confidence and self-belief why it is that sometimes we feel that we lack them?

Certain life events that have happened in my life during the past few years have impacted upon my self-confidence and self-belief. I bet there are times in your life when certain things have happened to you and you have felt that your self-belief and self-confidence have checked-out!

What is self-confidence all about?

Wikipedia says “Self-confidence does not necessarily imply “self-belief” or a belief in one’s ability to succeed” – hmm so what is it?

Moving on Wikipedia says ” Self-confidence is having confidence in one’s self….. Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it and those with it may succeed because they have it rather than because of an innate ability.

So it seems that:

  • Self-confidence is about the belief we have in ourselves, whether we hold the innate ability to do something or not.
  • Self-confidence is a self-fulfilling prophecy – so if we believe we can, we will! And if we believe we can’t, then we wont!
  • Self-confidence seems to sit as a layer above the beliefs that becomes self-belief and then build into self-confidence, but what sits at the foundation of our beliefs?

So do our beliefs need to grow into self-belief and self-confidence?

Belief is the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case with or without there being empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty. So isn’t that a bit like hope?

So our self-belief is a state of mind!
Hope is an optimistic state of mind

Hope is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. As a verb, its definitions include: “expect with confidence” and “to cherish a desire with anticipation”.

Hope however, although based upon a state of mind is based upon an expectation of positive outcomes.

So if we are to become more self-confident, what this journey of exploration is showing us is that we need to change our state of mind to develop more self-belief, believing by trusting without seeing and with an optimistic expectation that our desired outcome (events and circumstances) will be realised in our lives.

Where is your in-congruence?

  • Are you unclear as to what positive outcomes you are hoping to become realised in your life? – is your sense of purpose out of alignment with what your heart feels you should be doing?
  • For whatever reason have you lost your self-belief in you and therefore your self confidence? – is your optimistic mind lost in a sea of self-loathing and criticism?
  • Hope has a positive pull on our lives, its a pull where we can ‘expect with confidence’ – have recent events pulled you into a hopeless state of mind?

So if we are to get out lives back-on-track then we obviously need to be clear about our desires outcomes that we – will trust without seeing!

This is where we need to develop trust in ourselves. Are you where you are now because you didn’t follow through with something you trusted yourself or others to do?

In psychology, trust is believing that the person who is trusted will do what is expected. It starts at the family and grows to others. According to the psychoanalyst Erik Erikson development of basic trust is the first state psychosocial development occurring, or failing, during the first two years of life.

Success results in feelings of security, trust, and optimism, while failure leads towards an orientation of insecurity and mistrust.

Are you freezing your life, stopping you from moving forward because you don’t trust yourself?

Have you lost your optimism in life?

Do you have an orientation of insecurity and mistrust in you?

I got to thinking about Alcoholics Anonymous and how someone moves through a recovery process.

When we get lost in life do we need a recovery process?

When we loose our sense of direction, self-confidence, self-belief, hope and trust in ourselves, could we be heading towards a life of hopeless addictions?

The 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

Because recovery is a lifelong process, there’s no wrong way to approach the 12 Steps as the participant tries to figure out what works best for their individual needs. In fact, most participants find that they will need to revisit some steps or even tackle more than one of the steps at a time.

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol–that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings
  8. Made a list of persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Although the 12 Steps are heavy on spirituality, many nonreligious people have found the program immensely helpful. The language emphasises the presence of God as each participant understands him, allowing for different interpretations and religious beliefs.

We can choose to make a decision today to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.

Through prayer and meditation we can improve our conscious contact with the power greater than ourselves – praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

So let’s start uncovering our beliefs, some of my beliefs include:

  • My parents did the best they knew how. They were not perfect and probably never realised the impact their actions would have upon the programming of me.
  • I can’t keep blaming my past for stuff going wrong.
  • The limitations I set for my future are only limitations set down in my mind.
  • The past is history, the future is a mystery, but the present is the gift I give myself.
  • It’s not about always pleasing and keeping others happy, or about what I am achieving or have compared with others. It’s about me finding my path, pleasing me and choosing to do what creates a healthy and happy life for me.
  • Things happen for a reason, sometimes people are only for a season and not a lifetime.
  • There is much to learn from life events.
  • Forgiveness is the gift you are guaranteed.
  • Love conquers all.
  • God is the only perfect being, who will always be there for me, believing in me, even when there are times when I don’t believe in myself.
  • God has a plan for my life, but I have free-will to make my own decisions.
  • Congruence is about me feeling at peace with my past, my present, the goals I have for my future and all that is in relationship with all of that.

But if I was to ‘dig-deep’ choosing to make the decision today to turn my will and my life over to the care of God and through prayer and meditation improve my conscious contact with the power greater than myself – praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out, how would that be?

  1. I would start each day from a place of gratitude for all He has done in my life.
  2. Every day would include time for prayer, meditation, forgiveness and guidance.
  3. I would have more meetings with myself and Him to keep bringing myself back to core issues.
  4. I would know the plan He has for my life and how that translates on a daily basis.
  5. I would believe that the plans He has for me are to give me prosperity and the hope of a better future.
  6. His plan would be coded in my body so that it sits at the heart and soul of everything I believe and connect with.
  7. Jesus is the name above all names and so if He is in my boardroom believing in me and my plans, then my self-belief is sat alongside His. As I have the name above all names working for me, who would dare stand against me? He paid the price so all my sins can be forgiven and I can prosper. What fantastic brand alignment!
  8. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit believes in me, so who am I not to?
  9. People may let me down and may not be available when I need them, but He will never forsake me.
  10. I believe I am a spiritual being enjoying a human experience and not a human being having a spiritual experience.
  11. Everyday I want to live in hope – After all hope is to expect with confidence” and “to cherish a desire with anticipation”. I choose to have goals in life my heart will believe in even though they may be in things not yet seen. My hope, faith, trust, self-belief and self-confidence is fuelled by one greater than me.
  12. My boardroom is always manned by the great I AM.

I trust you will have enjoyed reading this article as much as I have enjoyed exploring certain spiritual and business issues with you.

If you would like to make contact then do drop me an email

Author: Cheryl Bass, MD & Creator of I AM WOMAN Ltd